She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just cropdusted the office
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
