I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
