Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
