I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
