i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
