If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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