there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
