I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
