New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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