I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
