at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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