when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
