were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
