I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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