I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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