I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
