you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
