wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
