hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
