I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
