Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
