What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i need some magic done to my vagina
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
