WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
