Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
