i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
