I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
false alarm, still single
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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