I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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