I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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