Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
