Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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