Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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