I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
