Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Also, beer. Big fan.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
