wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
