you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
