brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
