So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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