i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
