I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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