the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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