and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
