Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
