u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
