I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
