It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
