Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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