Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
