I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She even gives head with a lisp.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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