You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
