Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
