I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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