Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
